10 Lies I Tell Myself To Justify Overspending

1. If I buy this dress/lipstick/family size packet of Mars bars everything will be OK.

2. It’s Cost Per Wear that counts.

3. I will wear this ballgown all the time.

4. I’m helping the economy.

5. I just don’t have enough low-cut pencil dresses.

6. I’ll get the dress but I won’t spend any money on food all week. Then I’ll be thinner and it will look even better.

7. This leopard print suspender belt is an investment piece.

8. I’ll diet into it.

9. This is the last thing I’ll buy all month.

10. I need it for my blog.

Vintage Essentials No.7: The Trench Coat

Dress by Glamour Bunny, trench coat from H&M a long time ago, handbag from Boohoo, rose earrings from a random chemist, shoes from Dotty P

Equally popular with femmes fatales and flashers, the trench coat is the perfect piece for pulled-together spy girl chic.

Both functional and fashionable, it was created in WWI to keep the troops dry in the trenches, HENCE THE NAME. That’s why there are straps at the cuffs that you can tighten to keep the rain out whether you’re patrolling for enemy soldiers or a new frock.

Here are some of my favourite screen stars looking all mysterious and belted.

One of cinema’s most iconic scenes is in Breakfast At Tiffany’s when Audrey Hepburn demonstrates the perfect outfit for snogging in a downpour. Beige is the classic colour choice for such activities but I also enjoy a bright mac, like these.

Collectif, Orla Kiely, S’NOB

One more tip – the best thing to wear under a trench coat is nothing at all.

Cheating On Fashion With Furniture

My new flat is just a studio and a more accurate description is bedroom with microwave, but it’s my bedroom with my (rented) microwave. I’ve taken great pleasure in filling it with things I love and once I’d hired a lorry to move the dresses in, I treated myself to some vintage style homewares too.

The Mini Kitchen

polka dot toaster & kettle, Marilyn mug & Cath Kidston dinnerware, retro coffee jars & Cath Kidston cutlery, vintage postcards

I mainly use this square metre of my home for making coffee. I did brave the oven once but it set off the smoke alarm, which was particularly embarrassing as I was cooking in the nude. The microwave has now started triggering a power cut every time I turn it on. Is this the universe’s way of telling me to eat less? Or to order more takeaways?

My extensive collection of Cath Kidston crockery is the result of a drunk online shopping spree. What can I say? I get wild when I’ve had a pint. Of wine.

The Tiki Boudoir

pin up girl cushions, leopard bedding, wardrobe

I bloody love these cushions. Who wouldn’t want to go to bed with these Hawaiian beauties? Every night is pin-up-girl-orgy-night at mine. I wasn’t sure what colour bedding would go with them until I remembered that leopard print is a neutral.

And then there’s the place where the dresses live. This antique looking armoire is meant for a child but seriously, what a waste! A kid would probably scribble all over it and keep selfishly growing out of their clothes. Even after several months of cohabitation, I still have a giant crush on this dress-home of dreams. I can’t help it. The fuschia interior makes me giddy.

Burlesque Book Corner

floral daybed, pin up coasters, bookshelf covered with burlesque dancer wallpaper, mini chandelier light fitting

Armed with craft glue, varnish and a fear of florals taking over my crib, I gave a bog standard Ikea bookcase a burlesque makeover by covering it in illustrated Dupenny wallpaper. Because reading is sexy.

It was love at first sight when I spotted this floral chaise longue. Being naturally lazy, I like to have somewhere to sit within two metres of me wherever I am in the room.

If you’d like to see more of my vintage home fetish, just pin me, baby.

Vintage Essentials No.6: 1940s High-waisted Shorts

1940s high-waisted shorts from Tara Starlet, top from Collectif, tights from Primark, velvet heels from Dotty P

This is me at my most casual, apart from that time I twisted my ankle and had to wear flats and a support bandage. That was an emotional month. I tried to cheer myself up by matching the bandage to my tea dress but deep down I knew that colour-coordination only drew attention to the swelling.

I hate my legs and seriously considered leg lengthening surgery until I saw some terrifying photographs and an even more terrifying five-figure price tag. Luckily, the high-waistband on these shorts non-surgically adds a couple of inches to my inch-deprived limbs and breaks no bones in the process.

Winter is a great excuse for black opaques but in the summer when I’m feeling tanned and reckless and usually when I’m in a country where I don’t know anyone, I’ll brave this look bare-legged.

Here are some shorts that work all year round – just add tights if your legs turn blue.

floral from Miss Candyfloss, polka dots from Bettie Page, sailor from Miss Candyfloss

Vintage Essentials No.5: The Cigarette Trousers

The Bonnie Blackwatch Cigarette Trousers by Collectif, beaded cardigan from Collectif via eBay, vintage handbag, shoes from Dorothy Perkins

It’s the year of the trousers! I’m trying to extend my casual wardrobe because to be quite frank and a little bit Rita, I’m tired of the guy at the corner shop asking me if I’m off to a party when I’ve just popped out for some milk. So here I am, in my trews, ready to do lunges and high kicks and all those other acrobatic moves you just can’t get away with in a pencil skirt without it splitting.

If you’re after pantaloons with a vintage look but don’t like your cankles or can’t be arsed to shave them, then I recommend a pair of cigarette trousers. This ankle-grazing, high-waisted style became popular with women in the 1950s and with me late last year. They are far more forgiving than their calf-chopping cousin, the capri pants, which transform sturdy limbs like mine into trotters. Like most things, except perhaps tracksuit bottoms, they look even better worn with heels.

The Bonnie trousers I’m wearing are from Collectif and come in a range of fabrics. Confusingly, the different colour-ways don’t all fit the same. To avoid the already stressful process of trouser-buying becoming a weepfest, check the product description on the webiste to see if they come up large or not. I cried in a changing room so you don’t have to.

green, check, houndstooth, black