The Curvy Girl’s Guide To Vintage Chic

Voluptuous vixens, you’re in luck. Vintage clothing is full of flattering fashions to make the most of your curves and make you feel like the goddess you are.

As a curvy girl myself, wearing vintage style has dramatically improved my relationship with my body. No more sobbing on high street changing room floors and constantly yanking my jeans up to try to conceal my overflowing midriff. Once you work out which shapes flatter your figure, you can forget trying to dress like everyone else and start dressing like a movie star.

I still have those days when nothing looks right and I feel like a chump (a chubby frump). That’s when I look to my style icons for inspiration – Marilyn Monroe, Mae West and Joan from Mad Men. Their apparent ease in their own skin gives me the confidence to hold my head up high, which helps to streamline and lengthen my silhouette. I begin to feel better about myself.

Here are my style tips. These principles apply whether you’re a size 12 or a size 22, if your body is straight up and down or wiggles about all over the place.

FLAUNT YOUR FEMININITY

Shapeless clothes will make you look bigger than you are. In a baggy T-shirt I gain two dress sizes. In a puffa jacket my surface area doubles. Tailoring is your ally. That’s why vintage clothing, especially from the 1940s and 1950s, can look so much better on a full figure than the less structured stuff you find on the high street. Ideally your clothes should be very fitted but not skintight, so they show off your shape but skim over any lumps and bumps. A good tailor can adjust your vintage purchases to make sure they fit and flatter. You might also consider having clothes custom made. Heart My Closet will make you a Mad Men inspired dress to your exact measurements and specifications. You can find them at http://www.etsy.com/shop/heartmycloset.

Dresses are great for showing off your figure and your femininity. The best styles for flattering curves are 1940s tea dresses, 1950s wiggle and prom dresses and 1970s maxi dresses. Maxis should always be worn with a belt to show off your shape, which brings me to my next point.

DEFINE YOUR WAIST

If you’re full figured, spotlighting the narrowest point of your torso will emphasise your shape over your size and give you the hourglass silhouette of a 1950s film star. Fitted dresses and cinch belts help to highlight your waist.

The secret to Joan from Mad Men’s perfect hourglass figure? As well as excellent genes, costume designer Janie Bryant dresses her in authentic foundation garments from the period. That means longline bras to hoist up her boobs and girdles to flatten her tummy and sculpt her waist. The right shapewear can dramatically alter the appearance of your clothes and your body in them.

WINK, DON’T FLASH

The curse of being so god-damn sexy is that what looks totally acceptable on your skinnier friends can look X-rated on you. It’s an old rule but a good one – try not to show off your cleavage and your thighs at once. People won’t be able to contain their excitement. I mostly stick to knee-length skirts as my boobs are always a focal point, no matter how high my neckline is. My favourite vintage finds are mid-century wiggle dresses with scoop or sweetheart necklines that reveal only the slightest glimpse of cleavage.

Let’s Get Specific…

A masterclass for the hourglass

If you’ve got a big bum, big boobs and a comparatively small waist, the 1950s femme fatale look is made for you. Fitted pencil dresses that fall to just below the knee are your showstopper. For a more casual variation, channel the sweater girls in a pencil skirt and a tight cardigan.

Style tips for ample hips

If you’re a classic pear shape, you carry most of your weight on your bum and legs.  Your drop-dead look is a 1950s prom dress with a circle skirt. Choose a strapless or halter neck to broaden your shoulders and balance out your lower half. The full skirt keeps what’s under it a mystery while the fitted bodice shows off your enviably trim torso.

You can still look yummy when your biggest part’s your tummy

Wear wide open necklines that show off your fabulous cleavage and detract attention from your middle. Your best dresses and tops are empire line because they pull you in at the slimmest part of your torso. Also look for 1970s wraparound dresses and tie them under your boobs to give the illusion of a tiny waist.

How to show off your charms when you don’t like your arms

If you’re worried about your bingo wings, little vintage cardigans are the perfect cover-up. You can find some stunningly beaded, dyed and decorated numbers in vintage shops and on Etsy. I prefer mine on the snug side so they hug my waist and show off my figure.

Looking funky when your legs are chunky

Your best skirt length is just below the knee. Calf-length will make your legs look shorter. Wear heels as often as you can bear to get the most flattering silhouette. I never ever wear shoes with ankle straps though as they cut my sausagey legs into two unhappy-looking stumps.

One more style note

If you want to break all these guidelines and wear the 70s batwing top or 60s mini skirt you’ve fallen in love with, be my guest. The most attractive thing is confidence. Take a cue from sassy sex goddess of yesteryear, Mae West, who said, “I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.” Now go forth and be fabulous!

This article was originally published in PVBMag in June 2013.

Vintage Essentials No.8: Seams

Along with red lipstick and a facial expression of slight arousal, I wear my seamed stockings every day. They stylishly combat the whole blue legs poking out of your pencil skirt issue. Plus vertical stripes are slimming and my big fat calves are grateful for any optical illusion that narrows their heft.

Stockings vs. tights

Stockings, when worn with killer underwear and a suspender belt, have the ultimate vintage appeal. They may be labour-intensive to get into and slightly tricky to get out of, but they look sensational and authentic.

Tights are easier. You can buy them cheaply from ASOS. They’re less faff and less bumpy under your outfit and they do a good job of holding everything in, but they are also considerably less exciting than actual stockings.

My favourite is a pair of hold ups. Your exposed thighs mean you still feel saucy if you’re lucky enough to get caught in your underwear but the lack of suspenders means they don’t interfere too much with your silhouette and the crucial moment when you get undressed.

How not to get your seams in a twist

Nothing will destroy your facade of glamour quicker than sashaying away from someone and them noticing your seams are zig-zagging all over your legs. Here’s how to minimise the odds of your diva exit being destroyed by a pair of wonky stockings.

* When you first put them on make sure the Cuban heel is perfectly aligned and the top of the black triangle sits right on the centre of your ankle.

* Roll them up slowly and carefully, making sure you don’t snag them.

* Once your legs are encased, check your rear view. Ensure the seams are straight and wiggle into place as necessary.

* Throughout the day do a quick mirror check whenever you nip to the ladies. If you’re fine with looking vain, do it whenever you pass a reflective surface. This is especially important if you’re rushing about. The more you wander, the more your seams do.

The Lindy Bop Cecelia Dress Review

Dress from Lindy Bop, shoes from Aldo, vintage handbag and earrings

Shopaholic logic means when you discover a shop full of bargains, you feel an urgent need to spend lots of money in that shop to make the most of this unique money-saving opportunity. Otherwise you’ll forever regret the purchases that never were that would probably have changed your life. This flimsy and embarrassing theory meant I felt justified in buying another dress from the excitingly affordable Lindy Bop range.

The stretchy fabric and crossover bust give this frock a lovely, figure-skimming fit. I was fine in my usual lingerie but some ladies might feel more comfortable in control underwear as it is quite clingy.

I love the bright pink because I’m greedy and I like my dresses to look like sweets. If you’re more into LBDs, it also comes in black.

The Lindy Bop Heidi Dress Review

Dress from Lindy Bop, stockings by Jonathan Aston, shoes from Aldo, vintage earrings

My compulsion to overspend and overeat has left me well dressed and well fed but unstylishly poor. What’s a bombshell on a budget to do?

To get my new dress fix without encouraging my bank to send me any more hate mail I decided to try a cheapo repro brand I’ve had my cat’s eye on for a while, the invigoratingly named Lindy Bop.

I love the cartoon brightness of this dress and the heart-shaped belt. I also love how it makes me feel like a 1950s air hostess with all the glamour of the blue skies but none of the stress of the passenger alarm. Other jobs I could do in this dress include vintage tour guide and Carry On nurse. Clearly I’m on the lookout for career opportunities to appease my bank manager. And if I need an outfit for work does that mean I can expense it?

My 1960s Baby Beehive

Dress from Stop Staring, cardigan from Krisp, shoes from Aldo, vintage earrings

One of my New Year Resolutions is to make the beehive my bitch. I’m starting slowly (really slowly, we’re now in March) with a dayhive, which I achieved through old-fashioned backcombing and modern YouTube tutorial watching.

With my hair in this bouffant I feel like a 1960s secretary out on the town, taking the world on with the combined power of my hive, my sass and my shorthand.

It turns out teasing your hair is an intensive workout for your upper arms. Mine were so knackered I couldn’t even hold my vintage handbag for the photos. On the bright side if I combine regular backcombing sessions with my two other favourite forms of exercise – walking in heels and dancing round my bedroom – I’ll be bikini ready in no time.