My Favourite Vintage Style Swimsuits This Summer

My most popular post ever was the Vintage Style Swimsuit Special. I’m obsessed with gorgeous retro swimwear and apparently so are you, so here are my latest objects of aquatic lust for you to drool over/pose in.

Because red satin and fake diamonds are always appropriate

Marilyn swimsuit by Pin Up Girl Clothing, also available in plus size, maternity and at Top Vintage

Always accessorize your swimsuit with a cocktail and your cocktail with an umbrella

South Pacific swimsuit by Seaspray available at Figleaves

The sexiest Minnie Mouse outfit ever

Marilyn swimdress from Deadly Is The Female

Bombshell style, bargain price

Pink swimsuit from Asda

Don’t just go on holiday, look like one

Lazy Summer bikini by Playful Promises

This would be killer with a tan

 

Tankini from Mama Maria

And finally, the Little Black Dress of Swimsuits

1950s Sarong Swimsuit by What Katie Did

2014, A Year In Review

Italian Glamour At The V&A

Dress from The Pretty Dress Company, sunglasses from Deadly Is The Female, wedges from New Look, vintage handbag

Ciao bella!

So here’s my take on mid-century Mediterranean chic. I wore this outfit to the Italian Fashion exhibition at the V&A but I do wear it a lot, even when I’m not attending Italian themed events. It’s become a go-to because it’s so flattering, especially when I’ve had gelato for breakfast, pizza for brunch and feelings of shame and self-loathing for the rest of the day.

If you’re as obsessed with clothes as I am, get yourself down to the V&A pronto. The exhibition immerses you in the glamorous history of Italian fashion. Gaze in awe at the diva-esque cuts and get high on the fumes of metallic embroidery. There’s everything from World War II day suits and Italy’s influence on Hollywood costumes to next season’s Dolce & Gabbana.

Folie A Deux

I recently went to the launch of a gorgeous new vintage inspired collection called Folie A Deux. As well as oohing and ahing at all the beautiful dresses, the evening’s entertainment included a ballet solo, a fashion fairytale recital and some very snazzy cupcakes. After the soiree Katie and Halimah, the two fabulous women behind the label, sent me a selection of pieces to review. Here are my thoughts and my pouts.

The Squeeze

Every dress in this range tells a story and the story for this one is, “Hubba hubba.” The thick fabric gives the perfect balance of stretch and support so that everything goes in an out exactly where you want it to. I don’t usually wear dresses with buttons down the front because they have a tendency to burst open at embarrassing moments, like when I’m asking someone to stop staring at my breasts. But the nautical buttons on this baby are just for show. It actually fastens with a cunningly concealed zip at the back, eliminating the threat of the accidental flash. This is a size Medium and it fits like a very sexy glove.

Gwen

In contrast to the sculpted Squeeze is this looser, more laidback tea dress. I added the belt because I’m very attached to my waist but you could totally go beltless for a grungier look. This frock makes me feel like a saucy 1940s farmer’s wife with a glint in my eye and an udder in my hand. I love the tiny pearl buttons that go all the way up the neckline. In this one I sized up to a Large to accommodate my heaving bosom.

Mirror Mirror

Every detail of this classic shirtdress is strategically designed to be as flattering as possible. The buttons are another stylish hoax so there’s no unsightly gaping, the seams are perfectly aligned to echo and enhance the hourglass silhouette and the dark green tartan is wonderfully forgiving. I really appreciate the thought for the wearer that’s been put into this dress. Perfect for a heady dose of daytime glamour.

For more bewitching dresses visit www.folieadeuxlondon.com

Get Thee To A Tailor

Dress custom made from Heart My Closet, vintage brooch, handbag and earrings, shoes from Aldo

You know why people on TV look so fantastic? All their clothes are engineered to fit and flatter their unique body specifications. This service doesn’t have to be reserved for the rich, famous and televised, which is especially exciting if you don’t happen to be one of the six women in the world who has the same measurements as shop-bought clothes. Legendary costume designer, Edith Head, knew that every body is different. Check out this picture of her gently stroking her movie star mannequins to see how much the figures of the film stars varied.

Like many other divas, I enjoy having dresses made to measure. Here’s me in one of my Mad Men inspired frocks from Heart My Closet.

And here’s me in another.

I feel great in their custom-made dresses because they accommodate my proportions and conceal my hang ups. If, like me, you’re conscious of your comedy cleavage, you can request a frock with a PG-rated neckline. If, like me, you worry about arm waddle, you can order your dress with elbow-length sleeves. Basically you can cater your new dress to flatter whatever your particular body grievances and enhance your best bits. For more tips on how to dress for your shape, check out my Curvy Girl’s Guide To Vintage Chic.

Another website I regularly swoon over is Whirling Turban. They offer a custom order service and their clothes are the kind of fabulous that wouldn’t look out of place on a film set.

More Tailoring Tips

Having an item properly fitted is a great way to make it look tailor-made even if it was shop-purchased. I often have dresses taken in at the waist and they always look a thousand times better after their nip and tuck.

Invest in a tape measure and know thy measurements. Tape measures are the essential accessory for vintage lovers.

I love cardigans but my massive knockers mean they have a tendency to burst open, sometimes without me noticing until it’s too late, the flashing has occurred and the police have been contacted. I’ve now sewn up the buttons on most of them, so I can get a sweater girl look without the criminal record.

 

My Rules For Casual Vintage Style

Jumper from Ebay, cigarette pants from 20th Century Foxy, shoes from Dotty Ps, handbag is vintage

1. Everything’s still got to be fitted. Covered up can be good, especially if I want to discourage people from trying to engage my cleavage in direct conversation, but I have to keep it figure-hugging or I look like a floating head atop a giant, unhappy lady.

2. I will only wear flats if I’ve sprained my ankle. Most of my heels are only 2-3″ so sashaying and trotting are still realistic goals. My feet have been disfigured by years in heels so like a chubby ballerina I am permanently on pointe. In flat shoes I’m now actually less stable, both physically and emotionally.

3. Trousers must be high-waisted with just the right amount of stretch. Too much elasticity and I’m accidentally in leggings, too little and I lose the neat, retro look. I wear high-waisted everything, including underwear, because I refuse to live in fear of the muffin top. Remember when a muffin top was something to be savoured not ridiculed? I miss those days. Now eating a muffin is just too poignant to be enjoyed.

The ModCloth Uniquely You Outfit Challenge

Everything is available from ModCloth via Wanelo (except Sophia Loren)

I was very excited to be asked to take part in the ModCloth Uniquely You Outfit Challenge. I love their website. It’s a gigantic virtual emporium of vintage style gorgeousness. And creating fantasy outfits online is my Sudoku.

Inspired by the high-waisted polka dot bikini, I’ve gone for a mid-century Mediterranean movie star look because that is who I’d like to have been in a past life.

For full details and links to all items, just click on the picture, guapa.

The Curvy Girl’s Guide To Vintage Chic

Voluptuous vixens, you’re in luck. Vintage clothing is full of flattering fashions to make the most of your curves and make you feel like the goddess you are.

As a curvy girl myself, wearing vintage style has dramatically improved my relationship with my body. No more sobbing on high street changing room floors and constantly yanking my jeans up to try to conceal my overflowing midriff. Once you work out which shapes flatter your figure, you can forget trying to dress like everyone else and start dressing like a movie star.

I still have those days when nothing looks right and I feel like a chump (a chubby frump). That’s when I look to my style icons for inspiration – Marilyn Monroe, Mae West and Joan from Mad Men. Their apparent ease in their own skin gives me the confidence to hold my head up high, which helps to streamline and lengthen my silhouette. I begin to feel better about myself.

Here are my style tips. These principles apply whether you’re a size 12 or a size 22, if your body is straight up and down or wiggles about all over the place.

FLAUNT YOUR FEMININITY

Shapeless clothes will make you look bigger than you are. In a baggy T-shirt I gain two dress sizes. In a puffa jacket my surface area doubles. Tailoring is your ally. That’s why vintage clothing, especially from the 1940s and 1950s, can look so much better on a full figure than the less structured stuff you find on the high street. Ideally your clothes should be very fitted but not skintight, so they show off your shape but skim over any lumps and bumps. A good tailor can adjust your vintage purchases to make sure they fit and flatter. You might also consider having clothes custom made. Heart My Closet will make you a Mad Men inspired dress to your exact measurements and specifications. You can find them at http://www.etsy.com/shop/heartmycloset.

Dresses are great for showing off your figure and your femininity. The best styles for flattering curves are 1940s tea dresses, 1950s wiggle and prom dresses and 1970s maxi dresses. Maxis should always be worn with a belt to show off your shape, which brings me to my next point.

DEFINE YOUR WAIST

If you’re full figured, spotlighting the narrowest point of your torso will emphasise your shape over your size and give you the hourglass silhouette of a 1950s film star. Fitted dresses and cinch belts help to highlight your waist.

The secret to Joan from Mad Men’s perfect hourglass figure? As well as excellent genes, costume designer Janie Bryant dresses her in authentic foundation garments from the period. That means longline bras to hoist up her boobs and girdles to flatten her tummy and sculpt her waist. The right shapewear can dramatically alter the appearance of your clothes and your body in them.

WINK, DON’T FLASH

The curse of being so god-damn sexy is that what looks totally acceptable on your skinnier friends can look X-rated on you. It’s an old rule but a good one – try not to show off your cleavage and your thighs at once. People won’t be able to contain their excitement. I mostly stick to knee-length skirts as my boobs are always a focal point, no matter how high my neckline is. My favourite vintage finds are mid-century wiggle dresses with scoop or sweetheart necklines that reveal only the slightest glimpse of cleavage.

Let’s Get Specific…

A masterclass for the hourglass

If you’ve got a big bum, big boobs and a comparatively small waist, the 1950s femme fatale look is made for you. Fitted pencil dresses that fall to just below the knee are your showstopper. For a more casual variation, channel the sweater girls in a pencil skirt and a tight cardigan.

Style tips for ample hips

If you’re a classic pear shape, you carry most of your weight on your bum and legs.  Your drop-dead look is a 1950s prom dress with a circle skirt. Choose a strapless or halter neck to broaden your shoulders and balance out your lower half. The full skirt keeps what’s under it a mystery while the fitted bodice shows off your enviably trim torso.

You can still look yummy when your biggest part’s your tummy

Wear wide open necklines that show off your fabulous cleavage and detract attention from your middle. Your best dresses and tops are empire line because they pull you in at the slimmest part of your torso. Also look for 1970s wraparound dresses and tie them under your boobs to give the illusion of a tiny waist.

How to show off your charms when you don’t like your arms

If you’re worried about your bingo wings, little vintage cardigans are the perfect cover-up. You can find some stunningly beaded, dyed and decorated numbers in vintage shops and on Etsy. I prefer mine on the snug side so they hug my waist and show off my figure.

Looking funky when your legs are chunky

Your best skirt length is just below the knee. Calf-length will make your legs look shorter. Wear heels as often as you can bear to get the most flattering silhouette. I never ever wear shoes with ankle straps though as they cut my sausagey legs into two unhappy-looking stumps.

One more style note

If you want to break all these guidelines and wear the 70s batwing top or 60s mini skirt you’ve fallen in love with, be my guest. The most attractive thing is confidence. Take a cue from sassy sex goddess of yesteryear, Mae West, who said, “I don’t like myself, I’m crazy about myself.” Now go forth and be fabulous!

This article was originally published in PVBMag in June 2013.

Vintage Essentials No.8: Seams

Along with red lipstick and a facial expression of slight arousal, I wear my seamed stockings every day. They stylishly combat the whole blue legs poking out of your pencil skirt issue. Plus vertical stripes are slimming and my big fat calves are grateful for any optical illusion that narrows their heft.

Stockings vs. tights

Stockings, when worn with killer underwear and a suspender belt, have the ultimate vintage appeal. They may be labour-intensive to get into and slightly tricky to get out of, but they look sensational and authentic.

Tights are easier. You can buy them cheaply from ASOS. They’re less faff and less bumpy under your outfit and they do a good job of holding everything in, but they are also considerably less exciting than actual stockings.

My favourite is a pair of hold ups. Your exposed thighs mean you still feel saucy if you’re lucky enough to get caught in your underwear but the lack of suspenders means they don’t interfere too much with your silhouette and the crucial moment when you get undressed.

How not to get your seams in a twist

Nothing will destroy your facade of glamour quicker than sashaying away from someone and them noticing your seams are zig-zagging all over your legs. Here’s how to minimise the odds of your diva exit being destroyed by a pair of wonky stockings.

* When you first put them on make sure the Cuban heel is perfectly aligned and the top of the black triangle sits right on the centre of your ankle.

* Roll them up slowly and carefully, making sure you don’t snag them.

* Once your legs are encased, check your rear view. Ensure the seams are straight and wiggle into place as necessary.

* Throughout the day do a quick mirror check whenever you nip to the ladies. If you’re fine with looking vain, do it whenever you pass a reflective surface. This is especially important if you’re rushing about. The more you wander, the more your seams do.

10 Lies I Tell Myself To Justify Overspending

1. If I buy this dress/lipstick/family size packet of Mars bars everything will be OK.

2. It’s Cost Per Wear that counts.

3. I will wear this ballgown all the time.

4. I’m helping the economy.

5. I just don’t have enough low-cut pencil dresses.

6. I’ll get the dress but I won’t spend any money on food all week. Then I’ll be thinner and it will look even better.

7. This leopard print suspender belt is an investment piece.

8. I’ll diet into it.

9. This is the last thing I’ll buy all month.

10. I need it for my blog.