The Stop Staring Billion Dollar Baby Dress In Winter Floral

Dress by Stop Staring, handbag by Retrolicious at Top Vintage, Jive seamed tights by Pamela Mann, shoes from New Look

Another day, another pencil dress.

I recently realised I basically wear the same outfit over and over again just in different colours and if I’m honest, my palette is pretty limited. I’m fine with that though. It took years of crying in changing rooms and at the emotional arc of What Not To Wear to work out what suits me. I’m bloody relieved to have finally figured it out. The challenge now is to find a new way to reinterpret the same blueprint every day. It’s a fun challenge because it involves shopping and looking in the mirror.

This particular pencil dress earned its place in my wardrobe with its elegant floral print. I have a few different versions of Stop Staring’s Billion Dollar Baby because it’s one of those dream dress shapes that does you so many favours you want it in every colour. Plus I have an addictive personality.

Aqua, floral, pink, red, LBD

Your Retro Girl Band Costumes Sorted

If you’ve always wanted to start a 1940s girl band, grab a couple of gal pals, gargle some champagne to clear your throat and see below for the stage costumes of your dreams. All these doo-wop-worthy dresses are available as part of the stunning Daisy Dapper Autumn/Winter collection.

The Summer Carnival Dress

Dress by Stop Staring, hair corsage from Accessorize, wedges from Amazon, handbag from Primark

Despite being girlier than diamante-studded pink fluff, this is a very practical outfit for a carnival as proved when I wore it at Notting Hill.

People said I couldn’t wear heels to a street party but they didn’t understand that if I was in flats I’d be too busy googling leg lengthering surgery to dance. I wore these wedges from the international designer label that is Amazon. They gave enough support to withstand the jostling crowds and they were so cheap I didn’t care if everyone went wild and spilled their drinks all over them.

The dress includes built in bra cups, which meant I didn’t need to wear a bra. Swept away by the mood of the carnival I felt liberated from all the constraints of everyday society, including underwear.

I chose a handbag with a shoulder strap to leave my hands free for expressive dance.

Folie A Deux

I recently went to the launch of a gorgeous new vintage inspired collection called Folie A Deux. As well as oohing and ahing at all the beautiful dresses, the evening’s entertainment included a ballet solo, a fashion fairytale recital and some very snazzy cupcakes. After the soiree Katie and Halimah, the two fabulous women behind the label, sent me a selection of pieces to review. Here are my thoughts and my pouts.

The Squeeze

Every dress in this range tells a story and the story for this one is, “Hubba hubba.” The thick fabric gives the perfect balance of stretch and support so that everything goes in an out exactly where you want it to. I don’t usually wear dresses with buttons down the front because they have a tendency to burst open at embarrassing moments, like when I’m asking someone to stop staring at my breasts. But the nautical buttons on this baby are just for show. It actually fastens with a cunningly concealed zip at the back, eliminating the threat of the accidental flash. This is a size Medium and it fits like a very sexy glove.

Gwen

In contrast to the sculpted Squeeze is this looser, more laidback tea dress. I added the belt because I’m very attached to my waist but you could totally go beltless for a grungier look. This frock makes me feel like a saucy 1940s farmer’s wife with a glint in my eye and an udder in my hand. I love the tiny pearl buttons that go all the way up the neckline. In this one I sized up to a Large to accommodate my heaving bosom.

Mirror Mirror

Every detail of this classic shirtdress is strategically designed to be as flattering as possible. The buttons are another stylish hoax so there’s no unsightly gaping, the seams are perfectly aligned to echo and enhance the hourglass silhouette and the dark green tartan is wonderfully forgiving. I really appreciate the thought for the wearer that’s been put into this dress. Perfect for a heady dose of daytime glamour.

For more bewitching dresses visit www.folieadeuxlondon.com

The ASOS Floral Wiggle Dress

Dress from ASOS, belt from Vivien of Holloway, shoes from Dotty P, vintage handbag and earrings

Florals are notoriously popular among grannies and toddlers but they can also look really hot. (And for the record, my granny always looks smoking.)

Dolce & Gabbana are the stars of my catwalk dreams and the masters of the foxy floral.

How do they make florals so sexy? They tend to use brighter, more exotic prints on a neutral background. They also know the power of a defined waist and a wenchlike cleavage.

My new ASOS wiggle dress has the hallmarks of a Dolce but doesn’t cost a month’s salary. The forgiving fabric and flattering length mean it’s the perfect way to turn a fat day into a va-va-voom day, something I often need to do. I’m wearing a size 12 and it’s a bit too big round my waist, but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a coordinating cinch belt.

Finding vintage-inspired bargains on the virtual high street is my favourite kind of cheap thrill and ASOS has plenty of other fifties-style frocks right now. Here’s my wishlist of their best, girliest dresses.

Hitchcock, Jacquard, Prom, Peplum

Get Thee To A Tailor

Dress custom made from Heart My Closet, vintage brooch, handbag and earrings, shoes from Aldo

You know why people on TV look so fantastic? All their clothes are engineered to fit and flatter their unique body specifications. This service doesn’t have to be reserved for the rich, famous and televised, which is especially exciting if you don’t happen to be one of the six women in the world who has the same measurements as shop-bought clothes. Legendary costume designer, Edith Head, knew that every body is different. Check out this picture of her gently stroking her movie star mannequins to see how much the figures of the film stars varied.

Like many other divas, I enjoy having dresses made to measure. Here’s me in one of my Mad Men inspired frocks from Heart My Closet.

And here’s me in another.

I feel great in their custom-made dresses because they accommodate my proportions and conceal my hang ups. If, like me, you’re conscious of your comedy cleavage, you can request a frock with a PG-rated neckline. If, like me, you worry about arm waddle, you can order your dress with elbow-length sleeves. Basically you can cater your new dress to flatter whatever your particular body grievances and enhance your best bits. For more tips on how to dress for your shape, check out my Curvy Girl’s Guide To Vintage Chic.

Another website I regularly swoon over is Whirling Turban. They offer a custom order service and their clothes are the kind of fabulous that wouldn’t look out of place on a film set.

More Tailoring Tips

Having an item properly fitted is a great way to make it look tailor-made even if it was shop-purchased. I often have dresses taken in at the waist and they always look a thousand times better after their nip and tuck.

Invest in a tape measure and know thy measurements. Tape measures are the essential accessory for vintage lovers.

I love cardigans but my massive knockers mean they have a tendency to burst open, sometimes without me noticing until it’s too late, the flashing has occurred and the police have been contacted. I’ve now sewn up the buttons on most of them, so I can get a sweater girl look without the criminal record.

 

The Lindy Bop Cecelia Dress Review

Dress from Lindy Bop, shoes from Aldo, vintage handbag and earrings

Shopaholic logic means when you discover a shop full of bargains, you feel an urgent need to spend lots of money in that shop to make the most of this unique money-saving opportunity. Otherwise you’ll forever regret the purchases that never were that would probably have changed your life. This flimsy and embarrassing theory meant I felt justified in buying another dress from the excitingly affordable Lindy Bop range.

The stretchy fabric and crossover bust give this frock a lovely, figure-skimming fit. I was fine in my usual lingerie but some ladies might feel more comfortable in control underwear as it is quite clingy.

I love the bright pink because I’m greedy and I like my dresses to look like sweets. If you’re more into LBDs, it also comes in black.

The Lindy Bop Heidi Dress Review

Dress from Lindy Bop, stockings by Jonathan Aston, shoes from Aldo, vintage earrings

My compulsion to overspend and overeat has left me well dressed and well fed but unstylishly poor. What’s a bombshell on a budget to do?

To get my new dress fix without encouraging my bank to send me any more hate mail I decided to try a cheapo repro brand I’ve had my cat’s eye on for a while, the invigoratingly named Lindy Bop.

I love the cartoon brightness of this dress and the heart-shaped belt. I also love how it makes me feel like a 1950s air hostess with all the glamour of the blue skies but none of the stress of the passenger alarm. Other jobs I could do in this dress include vintage tour guide and Carry On nurse. Clearly I’m on the lookout for career opportunities to appease my bank manager. And if I need an outfit for work does that mean I can expense it?

The Lorelei Dress

Lorelei dress by Glamour Bunny (also available at Vintage Twists), handbag by Lulu Guinness via eBay, leopard shoes from Dotty P

I love the transformative power of clothing. In this outfit I feel like a Bond villainess, an egomaniacal fashion editor and an intergalactic femme fatale all at once. I think it’s the spiky cuffs and the cleavage you could suffocate someone with. I’m normally a very nice, smiley person but in this dress I am all about busting balls. If I was going to kill someone, this is what I’d wear. Wow, I can’t believe I said that. I am so sorry. I blame the dress. The sexy bitch.

It’s based on a costume worn by Marilyn in one of my very favourite films, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. But while Double M looks angelic, I look kind of evil. Gentlemen may prefer blondes but here’s hoping international crime syndicates prefer brunettes.

The Peekaboob Dress

The Sierra Dress by Bettie Page Clothing

If the eyes are the windows to the soul then this dress is the window to the boobs. Even I found my cleavage distracting and I get to see it whenever I’m bored.

It’s another Bettie Page number  and I went for a Medium again but when I tried it on it was too baggy round the middle. I like my clothes and my lovers to hold me tightly at the waist so I struck a bargain with a tailor (I would pay him to do his job) and had it taken in. If you have any clothes that look almost but not quite great, then get thee to a tailor.

The floral embroidery and demure length add a touch of 1940s femininity to counteract the wanton boob exposure, at least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. And my granny.